Almost twenty years ago, I sat in an emergency room after being verbally abused, physically beaten, and forever changed by a near-fatal strangulation.
The “nice guy” everyone knew was a dangerous drunk behind closed doors.
My discharge papers said:
“Discontinue this relationship.”
“Return if symptoms persist.”
Sometimes I wonder what those discharge instructions would say if I walked back into that ER today — twenty years later — carrying the invisible injuries that still echo from that night.
Because the truth is, trauma does not always leave visible scars.
Sometimes it rewires your nervous system.
Sometimes it alters your identity.
Sometimes it changes the way your brain, body, emotions, relationships, and even your view of God function for decades.
And for a very long time, I didn’t understand that.
The Paula Before Healing
When I speak on stages and in trainings across the country, I often refer to “that version of Paula.”
The version before healing.
Before accountability.
Before understanding trauma.
Before learning who I truly was.
For the sake of this story, I’ll call the woman who changed my life “Mary.”
One conversation with her divided my life into before and after.
One of the hardest truths I’ve learned about surviving trauma is this:
People often protect victims from discomfort instead of helping lead them toward healing.
No one wanted to hurt my feelings.
No one wanted to push me too hard.
No one wanted to make me uncomfortable.
But Mary lovingly held me accountable.
And that accountability became the key that unlocked the prison door I had unknowingly been living behind for decades.
What prison?
A childhood filled with trauma, abuse, fear, emotional pain, and survival.
I have an ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) score of 9.
Looking back now, I can see that my identity became distorted long before the abuse I experienced as an adult.
My father rarely called me Paula.
He called me “Porky.”
Sometimes he even followed it with pig squealing sounds.
I was a chunky little girl growing up in an environment where I learned that girls and women were supposed to look a certain way — and I didn’t fit that mold.
That may sound small to some people, but trauma often begins in the subtle places where shame quietly takes root.
And once shame becomes part of your identity, you begin building your entire life around escaping it.
Running From Myself
The difficult truth Mary helped me face was this:
I had changed everything in my life… except me.
I changed relationships.
Jobs.
Homes.
States.
Friend groups.
My appearance.
My environment.
But I had never truly addressed the wounded parts of myself that were driving all of it.
At first, that realization made me angry.
I thought she was blaming me for the trauma I had endured.
But she wasn’t blaming me.
She was showing me that while I was not responsible for what happened to me, I was responsible for what happened next.
That distinction changed my life.
Relearning My Identity
Mary also reintroduced me to God during a season where I was deeply angry with Him.
I had grown up in church.
I attended parochial school.
But pain has a way of distorting even the things we once trusted.
She walked with me paragraph by paragraph through the book The True You by Steve Eden.
One quote from that book became foundational to my healing journey:
“Until you know who’s keeping you, you’ll look to everyone else to keep you: keep you happy, keep you reconciled, keep you valuable, keep you going.”
That sentence exposed so much of my life.
My people pleasing.
My work addiction.
My unhealthy relationships.
My need for validation.
My alcohol abuse.
My constant searching for fulfillment outside of myself.
I had spent years trying to get other people to give me an identity that only God could give me.
And when I finally began understanding who I was — and Whose I was — healing truly began.
Feelings vs. Facts
Another foundational lesson Mary taught me was learning to separate feelings from facts.
At the time, I lived almost entirely from my emotional brain.
Trauma survivors often do.
Children are designed for connection.
But children raised in trauma often become wired for protection instead.
That survival wiring follows us into adulthood.
Mary constantly encouraged me to pause and ask myself:
“Am I responding from feelings or facts?”
Years later, this evolved into much of what I now teach regarding trauma, the emotional brain, the rational brain, nervous system dysregulation, and the invisible impacts of abuse.
At the time, I had no idea those conversations would one day become part of my life’s work.
Healing Is Not Linear
One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is that survivors need space to heal in their own way.
My healing journey included faith, neuroscience, accountability, functional neurology, wellness, nervous system work, and learning how trauma physically impacts the body.
Someone else’s healing journey may look completely different.
And that’s okay.
Healing is not one-size-fits-all.
I still revisit The True You and the handwritten notes scattered throughout its pages. Every time I open it, I uncover another layer of understanding.
Because healing doesn’t usually happen all at once.
It happens layer by layer.
Choice by choice.
Truth by truth.
The Invisible Injuries of Trauma
Today, I speak, train, coach, and educate about the long-term impacts of trauma and abuse.
Not just emotionally.
But neurologically, physically, mentally, spiritually, and relationally.
Because trauma does not simply “go away.”
It becomes embodied.
It impacts the nervous system, stress hormones, immune system, relationships, behaviors, coping patterns, identity, physical health, and even how the brain processes safety.
When survivors encounter healthcare systems, law enforcement, courts, social services, churches, or advocacy organizations, we have an opportunity to either deepen their wounds or interrupt the cycles keeping them trapped.
That is why I share my story.
I want professionals to understand that trauma survivors are often responding from invisible injuries the world cannot see on a CT scan, MRI, lab result, or neuropsychological exam.
I want survivors to understand they are not “crazy,” “dramatic,” “lazy,” or “broken.”
I want conversations around trauma, brain injury, domestic violence, strangulation, nervous system dysregulation, chronic illness, and emotional health to become deeper, more informed, and more compassionate.
The Calling I Can No Longer Ignore
In 2015, I started a nonprofit called Standing Courageous.
Although the organization itself no longer exists, the mission never left me.
The name came from a verse that deeply impacted my life:
“Stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love.”
— The Bible, 1 Corinthians 16:13–14
For the last five years, I’ve felt a growing pull toward something bigger.
Toward coaching.
Speaking.
Teaching.
Creating resources.
Walking alongside survivors and professionals in a deeper way.
But my own neurological and physical health kept slowing me down.
Then came May 1, 2026.
I completed the final day of an intensive week-long neuro rehabilitation program after years of struggling with symptoms connected to trauma, nervous system dysfunction, and brain injury.
For the first time in a very long time, I felt hope in a different way.
Not because everything was magically perfect.
But because I realized I was no longer surviving.
I was finally beginning to live.
And deep in my spirit, I felt an unmistakable calling:
Stop hiding.
Stop waiting.
Stop shrinking.
Tell the truth boldly.
Help others heal.
So here I am.
Answering the call.
Where I Go From Here
This next chapter of my life is about building something deeply rooted in truth, healing, education, faith, wellness, accountability, and hope.
Through speaking, coaching, training, online education, free resources, workshops, writing, podcasting, and community, my goal is simple:
To help people understand the invisible impacts of trauma — and remind survivors that healing is possible.
Not quick.
Not easy.
But possible.
And maybe most importantly, I want people to know this:
You are allowed to become someone new.
You are allowed to heal beyond the identity trauma gave you.
You are allowed to stop surviving and begin living.
An Invitation
Whether you are a survivor, professional, caregiver, first responder, healthcare provider, advocate, or simply someone trying to heal parts of yourself the world cannot see — welcome.
I invite you to join me on The Courageous Journey.
A journey of truth.
Healing.
Growth.
Faith.
Science.
Accountability.
And hope.
This is only the beginning.